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Overcome Your Self-Sabotage to Live a Confident, Empowered Life [Podcast]

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Self-sabotage is the act of keeping yourself from achieving what you want. It can take a variety of shapes and forms, from anxiety to depression to negative self-talk. It happens both in your personal life and at work–and can wreak havoc in both. For instance, self-sabotage could mean the difference between pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to get that promotion–and losing the opportunity completely.

To lead a fulfilling life, it’s important to develop deep self-awareness. By rewiring behaviors, negative thought patterns, and challenging yourself to change, you can take control of your self-sabotage and overcome what’s holding you back.

Our Guest: Therapist, speaker, and author Dr. Candice Seti

On the #WorkTrends podcast, I recently spoke with Dr. Candice Seti, therapist, speaker, coach, and author of The Self-Sabotage Behavior Workbook. In her private practice, Candice works with individuals to help them through maladaptive behaviors and thought patterns. The aim is to replace those patterns with healthier ones that allow her clients to overcome self-sabotage and see success in their personal and work lives.

Because self-sabotage is so prevalent in the working world, I wanted to get Candice’s professional opinion on why we do it. Why would we voluntarily engage in behaviors that hurt us?

“Where to begin? Fear, comfort, self-doubt, anxiety, just poor self-esteem. I mean, there are many reasons we self-sabotage. But mostly, it’s habitual. Habits develop and ultimately reinforce themselves … they create self-fulfilling prophecies,” Candice says. “So we just get stuck in that habit loop … so it very easily creates a pattern, which is part of the problem.”

Another part of the self-sabotage problem that existed pre-pandemic has been further exacerbated by COVID-19. More people are experiencing the effects of self-sabotage due to major life changes and emotional ups and downs.

“With the impact of the pandemic over the last year, stress levels have increased exponentially. Work changes have been implemented and there’s been a major increase in self-sabotaging behaviors as a result. I mean, you definitely see it in the workplace with things like procrastination taking stronger form,” Candice says. “You’ve also seen more social avoidance and emotional eating.”

Overcoming Self-Sabotage: Breaking the Cycle

So if self-sabotage is so pervasive, what can we do to break the cycle? According to Candice, the first step is to be aware of how negative thoughts are manifesting in your mind. She says you need to pay close attention to the voice in your head telling you that you can’t do something, or you’re not good enough, or you should put tasks off.

“Pay attention to that voice. Not only what is it saying, but how you’re responding to it and what behaviors you’re engaging in. Then, you’ll have a good, solid understanding of what your self-sabotage looks like,” Candice says. 

Once you understand it, says Candice, then you can figure out a plan of attack. For example, if you’re experiencing imposter syndrome, where you believe that you’re not experienced enough to be doing your job, you can combat those negative thoughts with positive ones. Focus instead on your achievements and capabilities, rather than any failings you may encounter. This will help build your confidence and drown out the self-sabotaging dialogue.

“Self-sabotage is rooted in fear,” Candice says. “Think about how you can start facing those fears to prove yourself wrong and start building your confidence and challenging those fears.”

Once you face your fears head-on, your whole relationship to success changes. By being aware of what’s holding you back, you can become empowered to go after what you want.

“For most people, when fear of success is the driver, it’s not enough to just say, ‘I want to succeed.’ You have to actually challenge the fears because those are what are keeping you rooted in that self-sabotage,” Candice says.

I hope you enjoy this episode of #WorkTrends. You can learn more about taking control of your fears and combating self-sabotage by connecting with Candice Seti on LinkedIn.

Turning Mistakes into a Business Model [Podcast]

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Most of us want to have a perfect business model out of the gate, but that’s a pie-in-the-sky attitude. As much as we all want to avoid mistakes in business, they’re pretty much inevitable. Everybody makes them, and many try to hide those mistakes because they’re worried they’ll be judged for them.

But what a lot of people don’t realize is that in business, there are often happy accidents that lead to a successful business model. In fact, one could argue that mistakes are the lifeblood of a strong business. And those who are willing to admit to their mistakes and pivot are the ones who can turn a blunder into a boon.

Our Guest: Executive Talent Acquisition Expert George McGehrin

On the #WorkTrends podcast, I got to chat with George McGehrin, a man who managed to turn a mistake into a national executive search/recruiting firm–one that has been successful for two decades. For years, people asked George for job search and recruiting assistance, and he said he couldn’t help. Then one day, he decided to try. Suddenly, there was a seven-figure business involving recruiting, coaching, and more. Since then, he has been widely featured on podcasts including Money Matters, Moving Up, and The Entrepreneur’s MBA.

I had to know: How can a mistake like that turn into a great business model? The secret to success, George says, is listening.

“You have to be open to listening to what people are asking you over and over, what their needs are,” George says. “The fifth time someone asks you for something, go ahead and say, ‘Yeah. This is what we charge.’ And you’ll be surprised at what comes of it.”

George says that in order to have a good business model, you have to be financially prepared for anything–even COVID-19. He says that business is a cyclical experience, so any business owner should expect to go through ups and downs.

“A lot of times it comes down to money. Do you have enough to withstand challenges?” George says. “If you’re a business owner, you can’t spend every dollar you make. Or if you work for somebody and you only have one source of income, you need to make sure that you allocate your money properly for a rainy day.”

To Succeed: Test, Fail, and Try Again

Once you’ve turned a mistake into a great business, there are ways to make sure your business model is successful. So what are the key actions to take?

First off: Test everything.

“If you’re going to send one email out to somebody or to a group of people, maybe send out two emails with different language,” George says. You should always be willing to adapt and try new things to get better results. 

Secondly, don’t be afraid to fail–and keep going.

“At the end of the day, the more times that you fail, you’re a little closer to winning, right?” George says. “First timers, when they’re starting a business, they say, ‘Oh, it didn’t work. I reached out to 30 people and no one got back to me.’ They need to expect to hear a lot of nos and keep going.”

And finally, while you should be willing to hear nos from potential customers or clients, you also should be ready to say no to opportunities. You shouldn’t expect to do everything by yourself as a business owner, but rather, give tasks to your employees and trust them to come through.

“You have to know what your strong points are. People who do well focus on one or two things that they’re really good at. And they delegate everything else,” George says.

I hope you enjoy this episode of #WorkTrends. You can learn more about how to push through challenges to create a successful business model by connecting with George McGehrin on LinkedIn.

When I Started Focusing on the Right Things

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My husband recently summed up a work-life conversation, saying, “It’s a funny thing, but when you start focusing on the right things, everything else starts falling into place.”

I cling to this, as I pursue a new phase in my journey.

Just seven months ago, I felt adrift as frustration began seeping into my foundation. My resume and career storytelling business was booming, and life at the lake with my husband was an actualization of dreams. Unable to pinpoint what was amiss, returning to shore became difficult.

As the intensity of these feelings grew, solution cues began to sail into my line of vision, and one Saturday last spring, Whitney Johnson became a beacon.

I have known Whitney through social media for several years, as we connected initially through Twitter and on several occasions have worked together or referred business.

In a moment of emotional aha, I clicked on her website and then the Coaching tab. I felt the hope of possibility surge, took the leap and emailed her, asking if she would consider me as a coaching client.

Whitney and I began working together in August of this year. She aptly describes herself as an accountability and thought partner. After some initial worksheet homework, akin to what I have my clients complete, she and I began mapping out a plan.

We are nearly three months into our coaching, and change is afoot.

  1. The eye of the focus needle is helping me sort through overwhelm.
  2. My revenue is increasing.The power of a thought partner has helped me articulate value into revenue, converting prospective client concerns into enthusiasm to invest in their careers.
  3. Profit margins are growing.Reframing my offerings to be more profitable for both my clients and myself is foundational to our coaching.
  4. I’m baring my strengths.When overwhelm started to grip my life, I could feel my intellectual and creative powers waning. Having a coach cut through the fog and gently remind me of strengths – my superpowers, as Whitney refers to them – has been powerful in helping me to rev up those strengths for my clients, while also fulfilling my own satisfaction goals.
  5. I’m sharpening my ‘no.’While declining invitations to collaborate or contribute to a new project had become a familiar act, the ‘why’ behind my ‘no’ had become dull. Looking at the most interesting-sounding opportunities through the lens of current goals helps me to determine if they are truly part of my overall focus. It also makes my ‘yeses’ more exhilarating.

I love how I feel after an hour of lightning-round coaching, my head stuffed full of new ideas while also ratcheting up plans in progress. As with any bold change in life, the outcomes are rich with experiences and stories well beyond what I originally imagined. Coaching with Whitney is an empowering journey of disruption.

PS – Check out Whitney Johnson’s new book book on personal disruption, named an Amazon Top Pick Business + Leadership Book of the Month.

A version of this was first published on careertrend.net

Photo credit: StockSnap.io